Friends vs. Buddies

Over the past several years, I have made a great deal of friends, a large amount of buddies, and a random enemy or two, and several anti-buddies. In that same time span, I've also grown to admire and respect a wide range of people from the authors of the books I read to those that compose and publish via their blog. Before I talk about what these people mean to me, I think it best to define them these different roles and provide a little context.

Friends

These are really those people that I know in person and have been fortunate enough to spend some tangible amount of time in person with. In general, this group of people includes friends from as far back as elementary school all the way up to the folks I work with day in and day out.

Friends definitely provide the first line of support in most normal circumstances -- if not by virtue of their proximity. Usually, our relationships with our friends are "tried, tested, and true" and the impact of the stressors in our life on our day-to-day experiences do not require explanation or justification.

Buddies

I wish I could make this as simple as those individuals that appear on my Buddy List in Trillian, but of course that's not the case. The harsh fact is that my buddy list is made up of my friends, my family, my buddies, and some restless bots that are full of insight.

Buddies are individuals that I know purely online and have never met in person. I have on occasion spoken to these people on the phone, but that's about the extend of it. This is not to trivialize the relationship at all. In many cases, I have buddies that I spend the significant part of my day in constant contact with through a variety of random IM pings.

Buddies also help to pass the time. While the friends are busy out and about, and you know where and why, if you're still at the computer it gives you a chance to catch up with people. This is especially true since most of my buddies are actually in other parts of the world. To add to that, it provides a way to learn about how things are done in many different places, lacking the time or means to necessarily travel and experience it firsthand.

Enemies

This is really your traditional bad guy that's crossed you in such a way that you need to stay away from them. I don't think much more explanation is required ;)

Anti-Buddies

As ironic as it sounds, my "Buddy" list is also loaded with lots of people that I don't want to have contact with. Some of these people are on my list because some annoying IM spammer found some way to message me and with the auto-add feature or some other internal error they get onto my list. Of course, since I usually am not here when it happens, and I don't see it happen and then I can't remember later if I needed that person on my list at all.

But the real Anti-Buddies are those people that you scorn from the online world. The same people you choose to make yourself "Invisible" to or those ones you choose to block since you "can't take their sh*t anymore". Ironically enough, to NOT be my buddy, I've got to carry you around as if you were.

Despite these handy labels and containers we are able to make for people, rules are meant to be broken and people tend to never work well when categorized. There are at least 2 scenarios that I can think of that show how easily roles can be bridged:

Breaking News

Everyone has had a moment or two in their lives when something too good to believe has happened to them. In these moments, emotions are running high and the excitement level is off the meter. Naturally, when you are full of joy, you want to share it. In most situations, you get on the phone and call up anyone and everyone possible. Of course, it too often seems that when you really have something to say, everyone's MIA and voicemail is the only voice your destined to hear.

Then the sparks start flying. Sitting there in front of the computer, you see that many of your online buddies are not grayed out and available to share in the news. And what a wonderful medium the IM provides us. With a quick copy paste, the same message can be instantly blasted around your network and to the world. The more savvy can even start their own chat room to not only bring together buddies but also to laugh together.

Moral of the story, your buddies have proven to be more than simply online avatars that idly respond to you. In these scenarios, buddies fulfill a primary responsibility often associated with friends. In this case, and in many more I would have to imagine, Buddies are Friends.

Friday Night

Any single person that's made the rounds in the last year can relate to this scenario. In the olden days, when you met someone at a bar or club, you exchanged numbers and went on to attempt to build a relationship from that. But this is a different time. I should know, I've pioneered an entire system to deal with the nuances of today's dating scene. In today's environment, an e-mail address, and now an IM identity, are starting to surface as viable, and often preferable of communication.

Interestingly enough, I've encountered many people who have met once in person and then retreat to the safety of the IM for the remainder of their relationship. Surely this does not need to imply anything about the persons involved, but it is clear that the someone shielded nature of IM can at times make staying in touch easier. This route also includes online buddies that plan to meet up, don't necessarily hit it off, but still remain close online. And definitely this can be seen as the only alternative when maintaining a relationship with a friend whose schedule has become involved, complicated, or distant for some reason.

Moral of this story is simply that the IM world provides a viable alternative for some real world relationships that might otherwise have fallen apart.

This brings me back to my previous definitions. In days before instant messaging, I would refer to my friends using any combination of, in order of magnitude, "bro, buddy, friend, pal, man, guy, you". Our new online lives and identities have introduced some new levels into this mixture, though their value is still somewhat complicated. I can recount many conversations where I refer to someone I know solely online as a friend and others with my online buddies where I never qualify the relationship (for example leaving out "best" friend when talking about that person.

In the end, we interact with a far broader range of people through IM and with that comes a new sense of connectedness outside of the traditional hubs like nationality, race, and religion. Our challenge is to strike a balance that fulfils both our on and offline needs while preserving those relationships.

But that's just me. What do you all think?