New Year's Eve: Me and Johnnie
I know I’ve published my look forward for the New Year, but I’ve neglected to really look backwards much. It’s ironic, and perhaps one of the most difficult things in life, to really see what you’ve done and what you’ve become.
There have been nearly 32 years in my life, so far - last year commands special attention simply for the truly wide range of emotions and experiences that I had. I’ll spare the bloody details, since they are simply too personal and not something I necessarily want to air in the public.
If there was a word for last year, it would be survival. The irony of a word like survival is that it implies a struggle; some friction. I’ve had plenty of that for sure. In reality, we have to survive not just the good times, but the bad. We have to learn how to bottle the most wonderful of moments so we can harness them when we’re the most downtrodden. At the same time, we need to always remember the lows we experience and hold them close to our heart as well - we need them to balance out our lives.
My new life here, well, it’s hard for most to believe - sometimes it’s even hard for me to believe just what I’ve become. Recently, I’ve had the opportunity to reflect more on what I left behind. I’ve had the chance to talk to family, friends, and my most loved ones. I’ve had a chance to see how different I am. I’ve had a chance to see what I wanted to be and what I’ve become. I can’t say it’s for the best or the worst, but most everyone seems happy with the end product.
The only thing certain to me anymore is that I can’t return. Life’s too short and I’ve squandered more than most deserve.
Whenever there is a reaching down into innermost experience, into the nucleus of the personality, most people are overcome by fear and many run away... The risk of inner experience, the adventure of the spirit, is in any case alien to most human beings. The possibility that such experience might have psychic reality is anathema to them.The bird cage is open and it’s time to fly.
- Carl Jung, Memories, Dreams, Reflections
technorati tags:gregarious+narain, greg+narain, personal+growth