On Death and Re-Birth

Last week disappeared into thin air. I was jamming away quite intently from early Sunday morning into late Tuesday afternoon, until I got the call. My older brother rang me to let me know that my aunt (dad’s sister) had passed away in her sleep early that morning. At first I wasn’t sure how to process that information.

My family is tremendously large (49 first cousins on the one side). There were 7 brothers and sisters in total and another one passes away every couple of years. There’s just 2 left now. My cousins and I joke, ironically enough, that the only time we ever see each other is when someone passes away - really a shame considering how much I enjoy seeing them all. On the other hand, we’re also all very separate from each other. I’m the second youngest of the lot and the only one in the Internet-thing. All that distance, unfortunately, cuts lots of the closeness families tend to have.

For a while, I seriously debated if I should go at all. After calling all of my aunt’s kids, I tried to find a way out there. It wasn’t easy and at first glance I actually gave up on the trip. After talking with a friend about how I might make it out there, I also came to the conclusion that I wanted to be there. It’s too easy, too often, to just not do the right thing, to betray our instincts. So Wednesday morning, I was on a plane to New York. For most of the trip I slept, but then found myself awake for 3 hours, wondering how the flight seemed so long to me now. Of course, the real nuissance was the reality that some day I could be making this same trip for someone very close to me. If there ever was a terrifying part of moving out here, this was what I was living through. Friday morning, it took me 10 hours but I made the long trip back to “home”.

I’m glad I went. I’m glad I could offer the same support to my cousins that they gave us when my dad passed away (he was the youngest).

The counter to this life experience has been my move out to San Francisco. Saturday, I crossed the one month milestone. I’m not fully here, apparently, but I am definitely working on it. Interesting enough, when I first arrived home my sister-in-law commented that she had never seen me so relaxed before. Of course, I’ve been more than busy since being here - both on the business side as well as the social side. Relaxed. Hard to believe but I think I agree.

The Zen Buddhists have an expression - Nirvana is samsara. Roughly speaking, this translates to the concept that heaven is the experience of everyday life, rather than the destination at the end of our journey. I must say that I find myself increasingly embracing this simple mantra as I have embarked on the next phase of my life.